Dear 2016,
I desperately wish I could say that this was the worst year but since I'm only 21 years old I'm unable to say so because I still have many years ahead of me. Having said that this year definitely wasn't easy. So many things went wrong, a lot of sad things happened but on the other end, good things happened to. I learned a lot about myself.
I learned that there is hope for those who suffer from Anxiety and Depression. I learned that my Savior, Jesus Christ, has suffered through the same thing. It was something I had been taught in Church but sitting in those dark moments where I would sit in my room and cry for what seemed like hours I realized that Christ really knows how I feel and he has been through what I went through and He's went through what you've gone and are going through, seek Him out in prayer or simply in thought and He'll listen to you. It's not easy especially when you already feel so alone but you aren't.
Another thing I learned, doctors aren't all the same. If anyone knows me they know how much I hate going to the doctor - for literally anything but like I stated previously I've been struggling with Anxiety and Depression. I've had it for a long time but didn't do anything about because I didn't think there was anything to be done but it got significantly worse over the summer. I relayed on the power of the Priesthood to help and sometimes it didn't but everything got so bad that I wanted to be stripped of all emotion because it was so tiring. Thankfully mom was inspired to take me to the doctor where I was diagnosed for a problem I wasn't aware I had. So I took care of that problem and my anxiety. I've been on antidepressants for three months and I haven't felt this good in such a long time. So.... as much as I dislike doctors not all of them are terrible.
I'm thankful for the reminder of mortality. A lot people who I thought were untouchable from Death were taken to him. Starting with Alan Rickman. As my roommates know, I was bawled for a long time. Another person's passing that heavily affected me was Carrie Fisher. I didn't bawl for as long but it still made me sad. For some reason I hold people like the two above in such high esteem that they seem like can always escape hands of death but that's not true, we're all going to pay a permanent visit to Death when it's our time. That's something I forgot, so thank you 2016 for that reminder.
2016, thank you for hard lesson of letting go. Letting go of friends and letting go of people who want to be let go. Letting go of the past to make way for the future. Change was a big theme this year. One of my old roommates got married and it was hard to see that chapter of her life end, the chapter that included me and the rest of us roommates. I am so beyond happy for her and her husband! Four of my roommates (old and current) decided to go on missions. Two of them didn't really affect me in anyway but Alison and Savannah's did. There were tears when they left on those Wednesdays. A feeling of loss entered my system. I hate to use this metaphor but I feel like each of my close friends are kind of like Horcruxes (Harry Potter reference) and whenever one leaves me I feel like one of my Horcruxes have been destroyed. I know they'll be back but the feeling of being left behind is what hurts. I love them so much and I know they'll be back.
This may come as a shock to some people mostly because I haven't talked about it - like at all. 2016 taught me what love is. I, the ice queen, fell in love with someone. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and it was a difficult thing to realize but now I know what it feels like and what to look for next time it happens. Don't ask questions about this experience.
So in short, 2016 had its ups and downs. Though the downs exceeded the ups, I've learned so much this year. They were lessons that I needed to have in the way they were taught. I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck by me this year, I'm thankful for everyone who has blessed me with their example and the friendship. I'm thankful for this year of growth. Hopefully next year I won't have to grow too much, ha ha.
And so 2016... Good Bye and Good Riddance!
With Love,
Allanah Staggs.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Mission Accomplished!
Hey guys! Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a great holiday!
I first want to start off the this post by saying that eight hours of consecutive studying has PAID OFF!!! I checked my grades and saw all A's!!!!!! That seriously hasn't happened since my first semester of college! It was a great feeling knowing that my hard work paid off!!
Next thing I want to talk about are the events leading up to the reveal.
First things first! Savannah , my roommate and friend, went into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and I had the privilege of watching her get set apart. The spirit was so strong and I couldn't be more proud of her. I was also proud of myself because I didn't break down until I saw her empty room. Thankfully my roommate Sydney was able to make me feel better but I miss her everyday. My other friend, Alison, went into the MTC! I love those girls so much and I am so beyond proud of them.
Finals week was both stressful and fast paced. Like I stated above I studied for eight hours straight. My finals consisted of three papers, one project and one real exam. So the eight hours were me switching from studying for the exam and working on a paper. It was long and difficult but it all paid off and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to go to school.
Mom came to get me with Dad and Joseph, which was nice but the drive home was a little stressful because of the snow and the fact that Joseph drove part of the way but he did a good job not killing us.
The first week home was so blissful because everyone had school and work but me, so it was nice to have that peace and quiet. On the 23rd we all went to Salt Lake City to see the lights at Temple Square. We also saw Rouge One, I was disappointed mostly because it seemed like every other war/action movie that's out there. Nothing took me by surprise and for the first time in my life I actually played on my iPod because I was so bored but don't let my opinion keep you from watching it - a lot of people enjoyed it. The lights were gorgeous, it was cold but not as cold as it could've been.
Christmas Eve was spent lounging around but for mom and I it was spent cooking and baking. I made SWIG cookies and helped mom when she needed it. We listened to Christmas music literally all day and it was the best! That night we had a beautiful Ham dinner with mash potatoes, Funeral Potatoes, Pasta Salad, Corn salad and of course sparkling cider. Later we had a Christ centered evening filled with music that Dad put together then afterwards we watch A Christmas Story then went to bed!
Christmas Day we all woke about 5:30 and played with Santa Gifts. I got a plush Beast from Beauty and the Beast, a necklace that takes the shape of an infinity symbol with a little mickey in the corner and one of my favorite Walt Disney quotes outlined it. "Laughter is timeless, Imagination has no age and Dreams are forever." Then a bunch of chocolate. We got ready for church and it was a really nice program. I sang in the church choir and good thing too because out of six sopranos only me and another lady actually showed up but it was nothing but music and it couldn't have been more perfect.
The presents were nice everyone seemed really happy with their gifts and I loved watching others open their presents.
I just want to take this time and share how grateful I am for each of you. I am so thankful for the Christmas season we have to celebrate Christ, I try to keep Him as my center but I fail everyday but everyday I keep trying because that's what life's about - not giving up. I hope that the rest of the holiday is good for all of you and everyone stays safe.
The next post will be my letter to 2016
I first want to start off the this post by saying that eight hours of consecutive studying has PAID OFF!!! I checked my grades and saw all A's!!!!!! That seriously hasn't happened since my first semester of college! It was a great feeling knowing that my hard work paid off!!
Next thing I want to talk about are the events leading up to the reveal.
First things first! Savannah , my roommate and friend, went into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and I had the privilege of watching her get set apart. The spirit was so strong and I couldn't be more proud of her. I was also proud of myself because I didn't break down until I saw her empty room. Thankfully my roommate Sydney was able to make me feel better but I miss her everyday. My other friend, Alison, went into the MTC! I love those girls so much and I am so beyond proud of them.
Finals week was both stressful and fast paced. Like I stated above I studied for eight hours straight. My finals consisted of three papers, one project and one real exam. So the eight hours were me switching from studying for the exam and working on a paper. It was long and difficult but it all paid off and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to go to school.
Mom came to get me with Dad and Joseph, which was nice but the drive home was a little stressful because of the snow and the fact that Joseph drove part of the way but he did a good job not killing us.
The first week home was so blissful because everyone had school and work but me, so it was nice to have that peace and quiet. On the 23rd we all went to Salt Lake City to see the lights at Temple Square. We also saw Rouge One, I was disappointed mostly because it seemed like every other war/action movie that's out there. Nothing took me by surprise and for the first time in my life I actually played on my iPod because I was so bored but don't let my opinion keep you from watching it - a lot of people enjoyed it. The lights were gorgeous, it was cold but not as cold as it could've been.
Christmas Eve was spent lounging around but for mom and I it was spent cooking and baking. I made SWIG cookies and helped mom when she needed it. We listened to Christmas music literally all day and it was the best! That night we had a beautiful Ham dinner with mash potatoes, Funeral Potatoes, Pasta Salad, Corn salad and of course sparkling cider. Later we had a Christ centered evening filled with music that Dad put together then afterwards we watch A Christmas Story then went to bed!
Christmas Day we all woke about 5:30 and played with Santa Gifts. I got a plush Beast from Beauty and the Beast, a necklace that takes the shape of an infinity symbol with a little mickey in the corner and one of my favorite Walt Disney quotes outlined it. "Laughter is timeless, Imagination has no age and Dreams are forever." Then a bunch of chocolate. We got ready for church and it was a really nice program. I sang in the church choir and good thing too because out of six sopranos only me and another lady actually showed up but it was nothing but music and it couldn't have been more perfect.
The presents were nice everyone seemed really happy with their gifts and I loved watching others open their presents.
I just want to take this time and share how grateful I am for each of you. I am so thankful for the Christmas season we have to celebrate Christ, I try to keep Him as my center but I fail everyday but everyday I keep trying because that's what life's about - not giving up. I hope that the rest of the holiday is good for all of you and everyone stays safe.
The next post will be my letter to 2016
Sunday, August 21, 2016
Here We Go Again...!!
Well hello fellow blog readers! So possibly the three of you that actually read this and are most likely to be related to me.. HI!
Anyways, so summer was hard and I don't want to talk about it because this isn't a summer blog... it's a school year blog! You know what that means! SCHOOL IS STARTING! AH! ON MONDAY! It's alright, everything is alright. I've been wanting school to come for a few weeks and now that it's here I kind of want two more weeks of freedom. Since school is starting that means a few things..
1) Homework
2) Stress (more than usual)
3) Actually leaving the apartment. In addition to that it also means that I now have to wear clothes.. No more trotting around in my underwear - er I mean pjs.... I never trotted around in my underwear..unless I did... I guess you'll never know!
4) NEW ROOMMATES!
That's right I've got three new roommates that I know nothing about! I know their names, majors and where they live. So first we have Amanda who is a Business major, (I'm not going to say where these girls are from seeing as I don't have consent and probably don't want to the three people who read this to know where they live.. anyway). Next is her roommate Jane, (side note.. I'm a little bummed her name is Jane because I can't make any Tarzan references without it getting weird... but I'll live.) her major is Photography. Next is my roommate Sydney, who's is studying Nursing! Then you've still got Bethany and Savannah (for now). From what I've witnessed, they all seem nice, I just pray that it stays that way. I don't think I can handle anymore girl roommate drama. It's boring and gets old real fast.
I need more guy friends. I hear they have less drama.
SO SUNDAY!
Oh my stressful but amazing! So the last few weeks we've had about three rows of people in our ward and today we had to open the overflow! It was crazy! Like seriously. It felt a little overwhelming but we had a couple of AMAZING talks so it's alright. Then we went to Gospel Doctrine where we couldn't even fit everyone in the room so that was insane and extremely stressful but it's all good. Then in Relief Society came and we.... talked about marriage.. surprise surprise. (quick tangent). It's not that I'm against marriage, far from it, it's just that it's so repetitive and I get that people learn from repetition but come on.... if anything we need to be taught what marriage is like and how to live as a married person, but for the twenty minutes I was there I enjoyed it.
After church nothing real exciting happened, I searched for a spiritual thought. I got the feeling I should've been talking about service and let others serve you but I literally couldn't find anything to go with that thought but I know that there are things that go along with it anyways I finally settled on 1 John 4: 8, 11-12 and it talks about how when we love we're closer to Christ. Ward prayer came and I felt uncomfortable the whole time because I'm an awkward uncomfortable person but whatever. I gave the thought and shook the whole time because anxiety and such but I got through it and people seemed to enjoy it even though I sort of sounded like a hippie! Afterwards I awkwardly left because I needed to get away from people. Honestly I wish I was an extrovert, it gets old being an introvert and when I do try to be different it feels wrong and I stop feeling like me... gah first world problems. Anyways, my roommates are great, my ward is even better. The first of day of school should be interesting and I'll try to write about it! Wish me luck! I love you all and hope you have a blessed week.
God Bless You and Protect You
Much Love,
Allanah <3
Anyways, so summer was hard and I don't want to talk about it because this isn't a summer blog... it's a school year blog! You know what that means! SCHOOL IS STARTING! AH! ON MONDAY! It's alright, everything is alright. I've been wanting school to come for a few weeks and now that it's here I kind of want two more weeks of freedom. Since school is starting that means a few things..
1) Homework
2) Stress (more than usual)
3) Actually leaving the apartment. In addition to that it also means that I now have to wear clothes.. No more trotting around in my underwear - er I mean pjs.... I never trotted around in my underwear..unless I did... I guess you'll never know!
4) NEW ROOMMATES!
That's right I've got three new roommates that I know nothing about! I know their names, majors and where they live. So first we have Amanda who is a Business major, (I'm not going to say where these girls are from seeing as I don't have consent and probably don't want to the three people who read this to know where they live.. anyway). Next is her roommate Jane, (side note.. I'm a little bummed her name is Jane because I can't make any Tarzan references without it getting weird... but I'll live.) her major is Photography. Next is my roommate Sydney, who's is studying Nursing! Then you've still got Bethany and Savannah (for now). From what I've witnessed, they all seem nice, I just pray that it stays that way. I don't think I can handle anymore girl roommate drama. It's boring and gets old real fast.
I need more guy friends. I hear they have less drama.
SO SUNDAY!
Oh my stressful but amazing! So the last few weeks we've had about three rows of people in our ward and today we had to open the overflow! It was crazy! Like seriously. It felt a little overwhelming but we had a couple of AMAZING talks so it's alright. Then we went to Gospel Doctrine where we couldn't even fit everyone in the room so that was insane and extremely stressful but it's all good. Then in Relief Society came and we.... talked about marriage.. surprise surprise. (quick tangent). It's not that I'm against marriage, far from it, it's just that it's so repetitive and I get that people learn from repetition but come on.... if anything we need to be taught what marriage is like and how to live as a married person, but for the twenty minutes I was there I enjoyed it.
After church nothing real exciting happened, I searched for a spiritual thought. I got the feeling I should've been talking about service and let others serve you but I literally couldn't find anything to go with that thought but I know that there are things that go along with it anyways I finally settled on 1 John 4: 8, 11-12 and it talks about how when we love we're closer to Christ. Ward prayer came and I felt uncomfortable the whole time because I'm an awkward uncomfortable person but whatever. I gave the thought and shook the whole time because anxiety and such but I got through it and people seemed to enjoy it even though I sort of sounded like a hippie! Afterwards I awkwardly left because I needed to get away from people. Honestly I wish I was an extrovert, it gets old being an introvert and when I do try to be different it feels wrong and I stop feeling like me... gah first world problems. Anyways, my roommates are great, my ward is even better. The first of day of school should be interesting and I'll try to write about it! Wish me luck! I love you all and hope you have a blessed week.
God Bless You and Protect You
Much Love,
Allanah <3
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Well Ladies and Gentlemen.... That's a Wrap!
Well friends, I've completed my first full year of school at UVU! This whole school year has made me incredibly grateful for having the sense to start out at Snow College because if I had chose UVU at the beginning I would be a wreck! This post is mostly going to be about the things I've learned this school year and I'll briefly go over finals week and future plans!
So I'll start with finals week. Finals week is the one week where some students, myself included, begin to stress. Everything I've worked for rides on these tests, for those extremely smart individuals, this is not an issue but for me. I needed to pass or I was literally screwed! I was put on "Academic Probation" because I did poorly last semester but I didn't know that I was on probation until the day I tried to sign up for fall semester. I had to go through all these hoops and eventually got rid of the probation but let me tell you, it was super stressful. The only two finals I was really stressing over was my Critical Introduction to Literature class and my dreaded math class. I mostly stressed over math because it was my second time taking the class.
I studied for hours for my Critical Intro to Lit class and when I got to the test I started out confident but then realized that my professor had put in things from the very beginning of the semester, things he said wouldn't be on the test, things I didn't study for but I tried my best and left the class feeling like a failure but hoping it would be enough to pass. Math was a different story. We had to finish going through people's last project, my professor said it would only take 30 minutes tops and I felt like that was fine. I could study more but it ended up with us only having 30 minutes to take the final. I shook throughout the whole final, nervous and feeling anxiety coming into play. Leaving the class I wanted to cry but since I was in public I held it in. My Modern American to Literature final was absolutely no stress. All I had to do was write an essay about the class and how it has changed me then vocally paraphrase the essay in class. Creative Writing was also easy. All I had to do was read a story then dissect it. No Problem.
I am happy to report that I am successfully PASSED all of my classes, including math!!! When I saw my score I couldn't believe it, I had to refresh the page just in case but I passed Math with a B!! Let's just say that there were tears of joy and squeals of glee! I still can't believe that I'm actually done with math forever!! I'm waiting for my counselor to tell me that I actually have to take one more math class or something haha, let's pray that doesn't happen!
So now the plan is to get a part time job, hopefully serve a service mission, still waiting to hear from Bishop on it but I suspect it'll be any day. That's my plan. I've learned to not make any too detailed plans because it's hardly ever the same as the Lord's plan and when I find out what I'm supposed to do next it's always conflicting so I'm keeping my plans super vague until further notice.
So this school year I've learned that I'm really good at tolerating people and situations. I won't provide any real examples for people because it's actually not a new thing I've learned I knew I had a tolerance for certain individuals since my first semester of college. Situations though were another story. My first semester at UVU was really hard. I didn't want to be there, I didn't like any of the classes I was taking and I was the oldest girl in my apartment. The only reason I was at UVU had been because I know that's where the Lord needed me to be and I'm still needed here, I don't know why but I'm here. I didn't really care about creating a bond with my roommates because I was a couple years older than most of them and after what happened with my last roommates I just felt like it was pointless having a relationship with them because they were going to leave anyways but that semester was quiet, boring, and a little lonely because I literally lived in my room. Things changed in November and December because I was tired of being bored and I allowed my roommates to get to know me a little more. In addition to that I figured that the Lord didn't need the cranky, feet dragging, antisocial Lanah at UVU. He needs the nice, sarcastic, sassy, spiritual, and sometimes funny Lanah at UVU. The one who is empathetic, compassionate (well tries to be) and it made me feel bad that I wasn't living up to my potential and I kind of felt like I was letting Him down. I kind of felt like he had this attitude of " hey you need to go UVU and be your fantastic self. I can't tell you why you're going to be there but you're needed there!" In which I responded as any child who doesn't want to do what their parent wants. I kicked my feet, dragged them to Orem and was very cynical and it made me feel bad so once I kind of saw that I made a switch. I'm still working on the social aspect of it but I can tell you with confidence that I am a lot more social here than I was in Ephraim haha.
Another thing I learned this school year is that asking for help is not a bad thing! I've always been prideful when it comes to asking for help - ask anyone. If I can't do it myself then I don't need it that bad. The Lord knows I have this issue and is trying to teach me a lesson. Literally every single month this school year I have received at least one blessing. April I had three and it's embarrassing. The thing I have learned about receiving multiple blessings is how powerful the Priesthood is. Seriously guys, I love the Priesthood, it's helped me through just about every kind of trial you could think of. I've gotten blessings for sicknesses, peace, comfort, because I had the worse head ache! Each time I asked for help I've felt weak but after getting the blessing I would feel the opposite. Not that anyone who's given me a blessing this school year is going to read this but if you are, just thank you so much and sorry for bothering you!
Most importantly this school year I learned that emotions aren't a form of weakness, they humanize you. I'm still working on this but I've covered a lot of ground since last August. I've always been the person who has striven to be the strong one because I'm the oldest, I have to be strong and somewhere down the road I think I forgot that it's alright for me to be somewhat emotional, when appropriate. I have cried more this school year than I ever have in my whole 21 years of life. Nothing traumatic has happened but it's just something I've learned through my roommates and experiences I've had in the temple. One experience I'll share is when my roommate Myra and I went to the temple and I was talking with my Heavenly Father about some things, fears and stuff like that and one of the things He told me was not to fear my emotions but to embrace them. It kind of struck a chord with me because it isn't something I'd think He'd tell me but He did and I think that's when I realized that I had a problem being non emotional. I've cried a lot more since then so I suppose that's good... or not, I guess it depends on your own opinion.
Yeah, anyways, this school year has definitely been about spiritual growth and I'm just so grateful for my Heavenly Father, my parents and my roommates! I hope you guys have a good summer! I'm not sure if I'll post a lot during the summer but if not I'll see you when school starts again.
Love y'all
~ Allanah
So I'll start with finals week. Finals week is the one week where some students, myself included, begin to stress. Everything I've worked for rides on these tests, for those extremely smart individuals, this is not an issue but for me. I needed to pass or I was literally screwed! I was put on "Academic Probation" because I did poorly last semester but I didn't know that I was on probation until the day I tried to sign up for fall semester. I had to go through all these hoops and eventually got rid of the probation but let me tell you, it was super stressful. The only two finals I was really stressing over was my Critical Introduction to Literature class and my dreaded math class. I mostly stressed over math because it was my second time taking the class.
I studied for hours for my Critical Intro to Lit class and when I got to the test I started out confident but then realized that my professor had put in things from the very beginning of the semester, things he said wouldn't be on the test, things I didn't study for but I tried my best and left the class feeling like a failure but hoping it would be enough to pass. Math was a different story. We had to finish going through people's last project, my professor said it would only take 30 minutes tops and I felt like that was fine. I could study more but it ended up with us only having 30 minutes to take the final. I shook throughout the whole final, nervous and feeling anxiety coming into play. Leaving the class I wanted to cry but since I was in public I held it in. My Modern American to Literature final was absolutely no stress. All I had to do was write an essay about the class and how it has changed me then vocally paraphrase the essay in class. Creative Writing was also easy. All I had to do was read a story then dissect it. No Problem.
I am happy to report that I am successfully PASSED all of my classes, including math!!! When I saw my score I couldn't believe it, I had to refresh the page just in case but I passed Math with a B!! Let's just say that there were tears of joy and squeals of glee! I still can't believe that I'm actually done with math forever!! I'm waiting for my counselor to tell me that I actually have to take one more math class or something haha, let's pray that doesn't happen!
So now the plan is to get a part time job, hopefully serve a service mission, still waiting to hear from Bishop on it but I suspect it'll be any day. That's my plan. I've learned to not make any too detailed plans because it's hardly ever the same as the Lord's plan and when I find out what I'm supposed to do next it's always conflicting so I'm keeping my plans super vague until further notice.
So this school year I've learned that I'm really good at tolerating people and situations. I won't provide any real examples for people because it's actually not a new thing I've learned I knew I had a tolerance for certain individuals since my first semester of college. Situations though were another story. My first semester at UVU was really hard. I didn't want to be there, I didn't like any of the classes I was taking and I was the oldest girl in my apartment. The only reason I was at UVU had been because I know that's where the Lord needed me to be and I'm still needed here, I don't know why but I'm here. I didn't really care about creating a bond with my roommates because I was a couple years older than most of them and after what happened with my last roommates I just felt like it was pointless having a relationship with them because they were going to leave anyways but that semester was quiet, boring, and a little lonely because I literally lived in my room. Things changed in November and December because I was tired of being bored and I allowed my roommates to get to know me a little more. In addition to that I figured that the Lord didn't need the cranky, feet dragging, antisocial Lanah at UVU. He needs the nice, sarcastic, sassy, spiritual, and sometimes funny Lanah at UVU. The one who is empathetic, compassionate (well tries to be) and it made me feel bad that I wasn't living up to my potential and I kind of felt like I was letting Him down. I kind of felt like he had this attitude of " hey you need to go UVU and be your fantastic self. I can't tell you why you're going to be there but you're needed there!" In which I responded as any child who doesn't want to do what their parent wants. I kicked my feet, dragged them to Orem and was very cynical and it made me feel bad so once I kind of saw that I made a switch. I'm still working on the social aspect of it but I can tell you with confidence that I am a lot more social here than I was in Ephraim haha.
Another thing I learned this school year is that asking for help is not a bad thing! I've always been prideful when it comes to asking for help - ask anyone. If I can't do it myself then I don't need it that bad. The Lord knows I have this issue and is trying to teach me a lesson. Literally every single month this school year I have received at least one blessing. April I had three and it's embarrassing. The thing I have learned about receiving multiple blessings is how powerful the Priesthood is. Seriously guys, I love the Priesthood, it's helped me through just about every kind of trial you could think of. I've gotten blessings for sicknesses, peace, comfort, because I had the worse head ache! Each time I asked for help I've felt weak but after getting the blessing I would feel the opposite. Not that anyone who's given me a blessing this school year is going to read this but if you are, just thank you so much and sorry for bothering you!
Most importantly this school year I learned that emotions aren't a form of weakness, they humanize you. I'm still working on this but I've covered a lot of ground since last August. I've always been the person who has striven to be the strong one because I'm the oldest, I have to be strong and somewhere down the road I think I forgot that it's alright for me to be somewhat emotional, when appropriate. I have cried more this school year than I ever have in my whole 21 years of life. Nothing traumatic has happened but it's just something I've learned through my roommates and experiences I've had in the temple. One experience I'll share is when my roommate Myra and I went to the temple and I was talking with my Heavenly Father about some things, fears and stuff like that and one of the things He told me was not to fear my emotions but to embrace them. It kind of struck a chord with me because it isn't something I'd think He'd tell me but He did and I think that's when I realized that I had a problem being non emotional. I've cried a lot more since then so I suppose that's good... or not, I guess it depends on your own opinion.
Yeah, anyways, this school year has definitely been about spiritual growth and I'm just so grateful for my Heavenly Father, my parents and my roommates! I hope you guys have a good summer! I'm not sure if I'll post a lot during the summer but if not I'll see you when school starts again.
Love y'all
~ Allanah
Sunday, March 27, 2016
The Best Weekend of my Adult Life (so far anyway...)
So this weekend was literally one of the best weekends of my life. Fan X, Metatron, Kylo Ren, Charlotte, Shaytards, Youtubers, Vocal Point and tears all embody the reason why this weekend was the absolute best.
First Fan X. Basically Fan X is a down graded Comic Con but it's still awesome! Back in December my good friend Charlotte and I had decided to attend because a villain from our favorite TV Show "Supernatural" was going to be there. That villain is called Metatron and no he isn't a Transformer that's Megatron. Metatron is a lot of ugly words I won 't say but I would be lying if I said I didn't love some of his one liners... Anyway, we split the photo op fee and anxiously counted down the days until we would get a picture.
Fan X has arrived and we couldn't be more thrilled! Upon arriving the first person I see is my old Young Womens' leader's Twin and I was very confused because I thought it was her for a while but after calling out to her and getting no response I kinda figure it was the twin and we kept walking. We met Belle and Tiana who just so happen to be friends of Charlotte so that was pretty neat. Walking around we noticed George Taeki and we asked a security worker if we could say hello and he said YES! So we got in line and we shook his hand then proceeded to tell him that we admired him. She liked him from Psyche and I from watching Star Trek with my Dad, he told us thank you and we left. It was really fast but still so exciting!!
We got pictures of a few cosplayers (A person who dresses up - sometimes professionally as a character.). Two of the cosplayers were Kylo Ren and one of the times they let me hold a light saber, and not a plastic cheapo one - a heavy expensive one!!! It was the biggest thrill ever! I wanted to hug them but refrained because I'm a 20 year old adult and don't need to be hugging people in costumes unless I'm at Disneyland.
Finally the time of our photo op has come, after much confusion on where to go we get in line to see Metatron. Charlotte and I are freaking excited we can barely contain it. We are then lead to another room, the only thing separating us from the punk angel is a piece of cloth... so naturally we're shaking with excitement. We get in line and go over our request. We're going to ask to pretend punch him in the face, hoping he'll comply! Suddenly we pass through the sheet and THERE HE IS!!!! ALL 5ft and 4 inches of him!!! Yes he's a short man but who cares! Everything is happening so fast, soon enough it's our turn and enthusiastically he greets us and Charlotte quickly mutters our request and he says "Absolutely!" Quickly getting my grin off of my face by reminding myself that his character drained my favorite character of his grace (It's complicated so don't ask unless you REALLY want to) and my face goes to Bad A-- face mode. The picture is taken, Charlotte steals a hug as do I and we leave, shaking even more from the excitement. We get our picture and fan girl over the perfectness of it all.
Walking around some more we see another character from Supernatural (one we actually like) and notice that we're allowed to go to talk to her. Thinking it's going to be just as swift as George Taeki we get what we want to say gathered in our thoughts - well I do at least. She gets up walks past Charlotte and I then a few minutes later comes back. We gather courage and walk up to her and then proceed to have a 5 minute conversation with her, much longer than I thought would happen! Erica Carroll is such a nice human being!!! She talked to us like we were her friends, she pulled out her phone and showed us few pictures of past cast members and talked about her acting career and asked us our names and side note.... she said that mine was "Lovely" haha mom was thrilled to hear that someone appreciated the name she picked out for me.
Fan X was a success and it was GREAT. I would do it all over again the only thing I'd do different is maybe get a photo op with Dean Cain (Superman). At the end of the day my feet were exhausted and so was the rest of my body but I had a big day the next day....
CVX Live... Is Utah's only Youtube Convention, it's kind of like a Comic Con for Youtubers as well as a help guide to future youtubers. One of the youtubers that was there were the Shaytards. The Shaytards are an LDS family who film their lives and put it on the internet. They are so good, funny, inspirational and nice people. I got to experience the "Superfan experience" which basically means me and 20 other people asking questions. The previously night I had written out exactly what I wanted to say. Anyway, I sat in the room for a while and then got the courage to raise my hand and got called on. Standing up I introduced myself and told them my story and I got choked up but got the gist of it out. In the process of my blubbering Colette (the mom) came and hugged me while I apologized for crying. She put both of her hands on the sides of my face and told me that crying was an okay thing and to not feel bad. She went back to her seat and I was about to sit down and someone yelled "You should hug them all!' After cautiously asking if that was allowed I went up and hugged all five of them and then got chased down by their 5 year old because I forgot him ahha. After the hour was just about up we got in line to take pictures. When it was my turn I got into position and the person took my pictures I turned to them to say thank you but then Shay grabbed me and say "Hey come here" and he wrapped me in the best hug and then told me how much he loved and appreciated my story. I took out my paper that had what I written the things I needed to say and handed it to them. I told them that they could throw it away or keep it and they told me that they were going to keep it. I said thank you and walked away from the greatest experience of my 20 year old life.
Afterwards I walked around, met Vocal Point, got them all to say 'hi' to my friend Darby because she LOVES them so she was happy to receive those texts. I saw Studio C from a distance and this one guy on youtube who plays the piano named Jason Lyle Black and talked to him. He seemed super surprised that someone recognized him because he didn't have a booth or anything. So I complimented his piano skills, he asked me my name and then remembered me from Facebook because I've left him a few comments and we got some pictures. He's super nice.
Something I've learned from this is that people aren't as mean as I think. A lot of the people I met this weekend were amazingly nice and down to earth. I would like to point out that I did this by myself, which is a big thing for me. I'm proud of myself and I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to do these things.
I posted my thoughts about Easter on facebook but I'm going to post it on here as well:
Christ has Risen and he loves you. I pray that each of you know that in some way.
~ Allanah
P.S ALL PICTURES ARE ON FACEBOOK.
First Fan X. Basically Fan X is a down graded Comic Con but it's still awesome! Back in December my good friend Charlotte and I had decided to attend because a villain from our favorite TV Show "Supernatural" was going to be there. That villain is called Metatron and no he isn't a Transformer that's Megatron. Metatron is a lot of ugly words I won 't say but I would be lying if I said I didn't love some of his one liners... Anyway, we split the photo op fee and anxiously counted down the days until we would get a picture.
Fan X has arrived and we couldn't be more thrilled! Upon arriving the first person I see is my old Young Womens' leader's Twin and I was very confused because I thought it was her for a while but after calling out to her and getting no response I kinda figure it was the twin and we kept walking. We met Belle and Tiana who just so happen to be friends of Charlotte so that was pretty neat. Walking around we noticed George Taeki and we asked a security worker if we could say hello and he said YES! So we got in line and we shook his hand then proceeded to tell him that we admired him. She liked him from Psyche and I from watching Star Trek with my Dad, he told us thank you and we left. It was really fast but still so exciting!!
We got pictures of a few cosplayers (A person who dresses up - sometimes professionally as a character.). Two of the cosplayers were Kylo Ren and one of the times they let me hold a light saber, and not a plastic cheapo one - a heavy expensive one!!! It was the biggest thrill ever! I wanted to hug them but refrained because I'm a 20 year old adult and don't need to be hugging people in costumes unless I'm at Disneyland.
Finally the time of our photo op has come, after much confusion on where to go we get in line to see Metatron. Charlotte and I are freaking excited we can barely contain it. We are then lead to another room, the only thing separating us from the punk angel is a piece of cloth... so naturally we're shaking with excitement. We get in line and go over our request. We're going to ask to pretend punch him in the face, hoping he'll comply! Suddenly we pass through the sheet and THERE HE IS!!!! ALL 5ft and 4 inches of him!!! Yes he's a short man but who cares! Everything is happening so fast, soon enough it's our turn and enthusiastically he greets us and Charlotte quickly mutters our request and he says "Absolutely!" Quickly getting my grin off of my face by reminding myself that his character drained my favorite character of his grace (It's complicated so don't ask unless you REALLY want to) and my face goes to Bad A-- face mode. The picture is taken, Charlotte steals a hug as do I and we leave, shaking even more from the excitement. We get our picture and fan girl over the perfectness of it all.
Walking around some more we see another character from Supernatural (one we actually like) and notice that we're allowed to go to talk to her. Thinking it's going to be just as swift as George Taeki we get what we want to say gathered in our thoughts - well I do at least. She gets up walks past Charlotte and I then a few minutes later comes back. We gather courage and walk up to her and then proceed to have a 5 minute conversation with her, much longer than I thought would happen! Erica Carroll is such a nice human being!!! She talked to us like we were her friends, she pulled out her phone and showed us few pictures of past cast members and talked about her acting career and asked us our names and side note.... she said that mine was "Lovely" haha mom was thrilled to hear that someone appreciated the name she picked out for me.
Fan X was a success and it was GREAT. I would do it all over again the only thing I'd do different is maybe get a photo op with Dean Cain (Superman). At the end of the day my feet were exhausted and so was the rest of my body but I had a big day the next day....
CVX Live... Is Utah's only Youtube Convention, it's kind of like a Comic Con for Youtubers as well as a help guide to future youtubers. One of the youtubers that was there were the Shaytards. The Shaytards are an LDS family who film their lives and put it on the internet. They are so good, funny, inspirational and nice people. I got to experience the "Superfan experience" which basically means me and 20 other people asking questions. The previously night I had written out exactly what I wanted to say. Anyway, I sat in the room for a while and then got the courage to raise my hand and got called on. Standing up I introduced myself and told them my story and I got choked up but got the gist of it out. In the process of my blubbering Colette (the mom) came and hugged me while I apologized for crying. She put both of her hands on the sides of my face and told me that crying was an okay thing and to not feel bad. She went back to her seat and I was about to sit down and someone yelled "You should hug them all!' After cautiously asking if that was allowed I went up and hugged all five of them and then got chased down by their 5 year old because I forgot him ahha. After the hour was just about up we got in line to take pictures. When it was my turn I got into position and the person took my pictures I turned to them to say thank you but then Shay grabbed me and say "Hey come here" and he wrapped me in the best hug and then told me how much he loved and appreciated my story. I took out my paper that had what I written the things I needed to say and handed it to them. I told them that they could throw it away or keep it and they told me that they were going to keep it. I said thank you and walked away from the greatest experience of my 20 year old life.
Afterwards I walked around, met Vocal Point, got them all to say 'hi' to my friend Darby because she LOVES them so she was happy to receive those texts. I saw Studio C from a distance and this one guy on youtube who plays the piano named Jason Lyle Black and talked to him. He seemed super surprised that someone recognized him because he didn't have a booth or anything. So I complimented his piano skills, he asked me my name and then remembered me from Facebook because I've left him a few comments and we got some pictures. He's super nice.
Something I've learned from this is that people aren't as mean as I think. A lot of the people I met this weekend were amazingly nice and down to earth. I would like to point out that I did this by myself, which is a big thing for me. I'm proud of myself and I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to do these things.
I posted my thoughts about Easter on facebook but I'm going to post it on here as well:
People celebrate Easter in different ways. For me, it's a celebration of the life of Christ, it's reminder of what He has done for me. The great sacrifice. It wasn't until recently that I gained a personal testimony of the atonement and its power. I know that power of the atonement is real and with it I can be forgiven and clean of sin. I know that my Heavenly Father loves His son, me, you and everyone no matter what they've done. I know that my elder brother Jesus Christ is my savior and that he loves me enough to go through ultimate pain that none of us can fathom. I know that people I've lost in this life are safe and happy and even better I KNOW that I will see them again. I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father and I strive everyday to be worthy to one day go back to my Heavenly Home. Happy Easter everyone, He is Risen.
Christ has Risen and he loves you. I pray that each of you know that in some way.
~ Allanah
P.S ALL PICTURES ARE ON FACEBOOK.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, Happy Valentine's Day AND Happy President's Day!
Oh my it's been a long while since I've posted! First off... Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Years! Hope you all had a safe and Christ centered Christmas (unless that's not your jam then I hope Santa was good to you!). Mine was good, got to be with my family, sang in church, it was a really pretty Christmas medley. I made Swig sugar cookies (if you've never been to SWIG you've got to fix yourself... it's one of the best things!) and let me tell you... THEY WERE SO GOSH DARN DELICIOUS! I was honestly surprised that they turned out so well. Not that I lack in cooking abilities but because mock recipes don't usually taste as good as the original.
It's a new semester and that means knew classes and more money gone... for my education! I started out with 14 credits and I was super proud of myself for doing so, especially since I managed to get all of my classes on Monday's and Wednesday's so that I can work. As I mentioned a sentence ago I STARTED with 14.... I am now at 12... What happened was that I had two english major classes, one fun class and my last two general ed classes, Math 1030 and Personal Health and Wellness... First day of school I'm in my Modern American Literature class (with my insane teacher...) and she goes over by five minutes leaving me five minutes to get from the top far side of the LA building to the bottom floor of the science building (it's about a five minute walk). That sounds like no problem to a normal person but someone who suffers from anxiety, it's literally the most stressful thing with the exception of all the other stressful things that go down on a first day. So I hurry to my class and when I go in front the door, I see A) how crowded it is and B) I'm late. So I start pacing by the door, debating whether or not I should go in and my mind begins to race and smack with me with all the bad things that could happen if I walk in that door. My heart races, my breathing becomes a little ragged and trembling like so instead I run to the bathroom and cry for a little bit and decide that I'm going to drop it and take it next semester (which I fully plan on doing).
Again with a new semester that means new changes (I refuse to call them 'goals' I hate that word). By new changes I mean I decided to cut guys off. I got super distracted last semester and my grades paid for it. I was not going to let that happen again. So I if I had any crushes from last semester (that information will remain disclosed) I cut off my petty feelings and focused purely on my school work. I am successful for the first few weeks and then... it happens. An attractive male had caught my interest. He didn't just merely pique my interest no no.... he freaking body slammed me with unwilling attraction. It really wasn't any kind of fair, I tried to not like him but nevertheless here I am, completely infatuated with an individual (who's name will NEVER be released unless by some rare chance in the future that we're together... but like I said.. RARE). This time will be different, I refuse to get distracted, I'm still extremely dedicated to my homework!
In other news... after almost 6 months of searching I finally got a job!! I work for the school-ish... It's all kinds of complicated but it's called "America Reads". I basically go to their office and to another school and tutor elementary kids to read. Teaching isn't my usual scene but kids are. I'm excited to see what this job brings me and I even more excited to more self reliant! I've got practice now for when I'm living alone with my plethora of cats.... I won't really have a plethora... just like two..... with maybe a batch of kittens... maybe a dog.... Get a great dane and call him tiny... or pipsqueak haha... Wow I'm awkward and this is why I'm so single dear readers, not that anyone really reads these... I most do this out of my pleasure haha.. wow okay.
The downfall of my job is that since it is connected to the school I can't work the job into the summer... so I only get to work there for two months, which will help but in April my roommate and I are having a job search party for the summer, since I am staying in Orem...! I'm excited to stay in Orem and work and be independent but at the same time I really wish I could go home but there's literally nothing there. I've got my family, my cat, and a house with it's contents. I have no friends and can I be honest? I hate Manila, it's a small town, people are constantly judging me for being single (which is more aggravating than anything else) and people gossip like we're at a hair salon in the south. It bugs me, granted, there ARE some nice people (there must needs be opposition in ALL things) but overall, I can only stand being there for a few days before I want to start yelling at people... Wow sorry, I did not mean for that get all negative and a little derogatory but it's how I feel. I'm thrilled that my parents and family are doing well there and that they like it!
So like I said I am staying in Orem over the summer and that means this summer I am celebrating my 21st b-day with my roommate but it's okay we're going to have a BLAST!
Last thing I think needs mentioning is the most dreaded holiday of the year... Valentine's Day.... I've disliked the holiday for about 6 years and not because I've been single for every single one of those years. I'm serious, that's not the reason why. I hate it because I think it's stupid to commercialize love. I think it's stupid that we need a holiday as an excuse to show affection to those we care for. I do understand and realize that some people need that holiday and I'm not saying we should ban it because that's not right but I'm explaining my abhorring feelings for it. Anyway, so Church. Valentine's Day. AWKWARD. We're sitting in Relief Society and at the very end the Elder's Quorum comes in, each has a rose in his hand. They crowd in and then they serenade us with "Love One Another" and then they all pass out a rose to a girl. It really was a sweet gesture but man did I feel awkward. My ears were burning and I can only imagine that my face looked the same. Savannah and I have our roses in a vase filled with water so that's good and they are pretty I just really wish I loved flowers but I don't BUT I STILL REALLY APPRECIATE THE ELDER'S QUORUM FOR WHAT THEY DID! I'M NOT HATING ON IT I PROMISE.
Ok I'm done...
Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day
Hope you have a great President's Day
To UVU students who won't read this... Have fun with no school tomorrow as well.
God Bless You All
~ Allanah
It's a new semester and that means knew classes and more money gone... for my education! I started out with 14 credits and I was super proud of myself for doing so, especially since I managed to get all of my classes on Monday's and Wednesday's so that I can work. As I mentioned a sentence ago I STARTED with 14.... I am now at 12... What happened was that I had two english major classes, one fun class and my last two general ed classes, Math 1030 and Personal Health and Wellness... First day of school I'm in my Modern American Literature class (with my insane teacher...) and she goes over by five minutes leaving me five minutes to get from the top far side of the LA building to the bottom floor of the science building (it's about a five minute walk). That sounds like no problem to a normal person but someone who suffers from anxiety, it's literally the most stressful thing with the exception of all the other stressful things that go down on a first day. So I hurry to my class and when I go in front the door, I see A) how crowded it is and B) I'm late. So I start pacing by the door, debating whether or not I should go in and my mind begins to race and smack with me with all the bad things that could happen if I walk in that door. My heart races, my breathing becomes a little ragged and trembling like so instead I run to the bathroom and cry for a little bit and decide that I'm going to drop it and take it next semester (which I fully plan on doing).
Again with a new semester that means new changes (I refuse to call them 'goals' I hate that word). By new changes I mean I decided to cut guys off. I got super distracted last semester and my grades paid for it. I was not going to let that happen again. So I if I had any crushes from last semester (that information will remain disclosed) I cut off my petty feelings and focused purely on my school work. I am successful for the first few weeks and then... it happens. An attractive male had caught my interest. He didn't just merely pique my interest no no.... he freaking body slammed me with unwilling attraction. It really wasn't any kind of fair, I tried to not like him but nevertheless here I am, completely infatuated with an individual (who's name will NEVER be released unless by some rare chance in the future that we're together... but like I said.. RARE). This time will be different, I refuse to get distracted, I'm still extremely dedicated to my homework!
In other news... after almost 6 months of searching I finally got a job!! I work for the school-ish... It's all kinds of complicated but it's called "America Reads". I basically go to their office and to another school and tutor elementary kids to read. Teaching isn't my usual scene but kids are. I'm excited to see what this job brings me and I even more excited to more self reliant! I've got practice now for when I'm living alone with my plethora of cats.... I won't really have a plethora... just like two..... with maybe a batch of kittens... maybe a dog.... Get a great dane and call him tiny... or pipsqueak haha... Wow I'm awkward and this is why I'm so single dear readers, not that anyone really reads these... I most do this out of my pleasure haha.. wow okay.
The downfall of my job is that since it is connected to the school I can't work the job into the summer... so I only get to work there for two months, which will help but in April my roommate and I are having a job search party for the summer, since I am staying in Orem...! I'm excited to stay in Orem and work and be independent but at the same time I really wish I could go home but there's literally nothing there. I've got my family, my cat, and a house with it's contents. I have no friends and can I be honest? I hate Manila, it's a small town, people are constantly judging me for being single (which is more aggravating than anything else) and people gossip like we're at a hair salon in the south. It bugs me, granted, there ARE some nice people (there must needs be opposition in ALL things) but overall, I can only stand being there for a few days before I want to start yelling at people... Wow sorry, I did not mean for that get all negative and a little derogatory but it's how I feel. I'm thrilled that my parents and family are doing well there and that they like it!
So like I said I am staying in Orem over the summer and that means this summer I am celebrating my 21st b-day with my roommate but it's okay we're going to have a BLAST!
Last thing I think needs mentioning is the most dreaded holiday of the year... Valentine's Day.... I've disliked the holiday for about 6 years and not because I've been single for every single one of those years. I'm serious, that's not the reason why. I hate it because I think it's stupid to commercialize love. I think it's stupid that we need a holiday as an excuse to show affection to those we care for. I do understand and realize that some people need that holiday and I'm not saying we should ban it because that's not right but I'm explaining my abhorring feelings for it. Anyway, so Church. Valentine's Day. AWKWARD. We're sitting in Relief Society and at the very end the Elder's Quorum comes in, each has a rose in his hand. They crowd in and then they serenade us with "Love One Another" and then they all pass out a rose to a girl. It really was a sweet gesture but man did I feel awkward. My ears were burning and I can only imagine that my face looked the same. Savannah and I have our roses in a vase filled with water so that's good and they are pretty I just really wish I loved flowers but I don't BUT I STILL REALLY APPRECIATE THE ELDER'S QUORUM FOR WHAT THEY DID! I'M NOT HATING ON IT I PROMISE.
Ok I'm done...
Hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day
Hope you have a great President's Day
To UVU students who won't read this... Have fun with no school tomorrow as well.
God Bless You All
~ Allanah
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