Well friends, I've completed my first full year of school at UVU! This whole school year has made me incredibly grateful for having the sense to start out at Snow College because if I had chose UVU at the beginning I would be a wreck! This post is mostly going to be about the things I've learned this school year and I'll briefly go over finals week and future plans!
So I'll start with finals week. Finals week is the one week where some students, myself included, begin to stress. Everything I've worked for rides on these tests, for those extremely smart individuals, this is not an issue but for me. I needed to pass or I was literally screwed! I was put on "Academic Probation" because I did poorly last semester but I didn't know that I was on probation until the day I tried to sign up for fall semester. I had to go through all these hoops and eventually got rid of the probation but let me tell you, it was super stressful. The only two finals I was really stressing over was my Critical Introduction to Literature class and my dreaded math class. I mostly stressed over math because it was my second time taking the class.
I studied for hours for my Critical Intro to Lit class and when I got to the test I started out confident but then realized that my professor had put in things from the very beginning of the semester, things he said wouldn't be on the test, things I didn't study for but I tried my best and left the class feeling like a failure but hoping it would be enough to pass. Math was a different story. We had to finish going through people's last project, my professor said it would only take 30 minutes tops and I felt like that was fine. I could study more but it ended up with us only having 30 minutes to take the final. I shook throughout the whole final, nervous and feeling anxiety coming into play. Leaving the class I wanted to cry but since I was in public I held it in. My Modern American to Literature final was absolutely no stress. All I had to do was write an essay about the class and how it has changed me then vocally paraphrase the essay in class. Creative Writing was also easy. All I had to do was read a story then dissect it. No Problem.
I am happy to report that I am successfully PASSED all of my classes, including math!!! When I saw my score I couldn't believe it, I had to refresh the page just in case but I passed Math with a B!! Let's just say that there were tears of joy and squeals of glee! I still can't believe that I'm actually done with math forever!! I'm waiting for my counselor to tell me that I actually have to take one more math class or something haha, let's pray that doesn't happen!
So now the plan is to get a part time job, hopefully serve a service mission, still waiting to hear from Bishop on it but I suspect it'll be any day. That's my plan. I've learned to not make any too detailed plans because it's hardly ever the same as the Lord's plan and when I find out what I'm supposed to do next it's always conflicting so I'm keeping my plans super vague until further notice.
So this school year I've learned that I'm really good at tolerating people and situations. I won't provide any real examples for people because it's actually not a new thing I've learned I knew I had a tolerance for certain individuals since my first semester of college. Situations though were another story. My first semester at UVU was really hard. I didn't want to be there, I didn't like any of the classes I was taking and I was the oldest girl in my apartment. The only reason I was at UVU had been because I know that's where the Lord needed me to be and I'm still needed here, I don't know why but I'm here. I didn't really care about creating a bond with my roommates because I was a couple years older than most of them and after what happened with my last roommates I just felt like it was pointless having a relationship with them because they were going to leave anyways but that semester was quiet, boring, and a little lonely because I literally lived in my room. Things changed in November and December because I was tired of being bored and I allowed my roommates to get to know me a little more. In addition to that I figured that the Lord didn't need the cranky, feet dragging, antisocial Lanah at UVU. He needs the nice, sarcastic, sassy, spiritual, and sometimes funny Lanah at UVU. The one who is empathetic, compassionate (well tries to be) and it made me feel bad that I wasn't living up to my potential and I kind of felt like I was letting Him down. I kind of felt like he had this attitude of " hey you need to go UVU and be your fantastic self. I can't tell you why you're going to be there but you're needed there!" In which I responded as any child who doesn't want to do what their parent wants. I kicked my feet, dragged them to Orem and was very cynical and it made me feel bad so once I kind of saw that I made a switch. I'm still working on the social aspect of it but I can tell you with confidence that I am a lot more social here than I was in Ephraim haha.
Another thing I learned this school year is that asking for help is not a bad thing! I've always been prideful when it comes to asking for help - ask anyone. If I can't do it myself then I don't need it that bad. The Lord knows I have this issue and is trying to teach me a lesson. Literally every single month this school year I have received at least one blessing. April I had three and it's embarrassing. The thing I have learned about receiving multiple blessings is how powerful the Priesthood is. Seriously guys, I love the Priesthood, it's helped me through just about every kind of trial you could think of. I've gotten blessings for sicknesses, peace, comfort, because I had the worse head ache! Each time I asked for help I've felt weak but after getting the blessing I would feel the opposite. Not that anyone who's given me a blessing this school year is going to read this but if you are, just thank you so much and sorry for bothering you!
Most importantly this school year I learned that emotions aren't a form of weakness, they humanize you. I'm still working on this but I've covered a lot of ground since last August. I've always been the person who has striven to be the strong one because I'm the oldest, I have to be strong and somewhere down the road I think I forgot that it's alright for me to be somewhat emotional, when appropriate. I have cried more this school year than I ever have in my whole 21 years of life. Nothing traumatic has happened but it's just something I've learned through my roommates and experiences I've had in the temple. One experience I'll share is when my roommate Myra and I went to the temple and I was talking with my Heavenly Father about some things, fears and stuff like that and one of the things He told me was not to fear my emotions but to embrace them. It kind of struck a chord with me because it isn't something I'd think He'd tell me but He did and I think that's when I realized that I had a problem being non emotional. I've cried a lot more since then so I suppose that's good... or not, I guess it depends on your own opinion.
Yeah, anyways, this school year has definitely been about spiritual growth and I'm just so grateful for my Heavenly Father, my parents and my roommates! I hope you guys have a good summer! I'm not sure if I'll post a lot during the summer but if not I'll see you when school starts again.
Love y'all
~ Allanah
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