Dear 2016....

Dear 2016,
                      I desperately wish I could say that this was the worst year but since I'm only 21 years old I'm unable to say so because I still have many years ahead of me. Having said that this year definitely wasn't easy. So many things went wrong, a lot of sad things happened but on the other end, good things happened to. I learned a lot about myself. 
      I learned that there is hope for those who suffer from Anxiety and Depression. I learned that my Savior, Jesus Christ, has suffered through the same thing. It was something I had been taught in Church but sitting in those dark moments where I would sit in my room and cry for what seemed like hours I realized that Christ really knows how I feel and he has been through what I went through and He's went through what you've gone and are going through, seek Him out in prayer or simply in thought and He'll listen to you. It's not easy especially when you already feel so alone but you aren't.
           Another thing I learned, doctors aren't all the same. If anyone knows me they know how much I hate going to the doctor - for literally anything but like I stated previously I've been struggling with Anxiety and Depression. I've had it for a long time but didn't do anything about because I didn't think there was anything to be done but it got significantly worse over the summer. I relayed on the power of the Priesthood to help and sometimes it didn't but everything got so bad that I wanted to be stripped of all emotion because it was so tiring. Thankfully mom was inspired to take me to the doctor where I was diagnosed for a problem I wasn't aware I had. So I took care of that problem and my anxiety. I've been on antidepressants for three months and I haven't felt this good in such a long time. So.... as much as I dislike doctors not all of them are terrible. 
    I'm thankful for the reminder of mortality. A lot people who I thought were untouchable from Death were taken to him. Starting with Alan Rickman. As my roommates know, I was bawled for a long time. Another person's passing that heavily affected me was Carrie Fisher. I didn't bawl for as long but it still made me sad. For some reason I hold people like the two above in such high esteem that they seem like can always escape hands of death but that's not true, we're all going to pay a permanent visit to Death when it's our time. That's something I forgot, so thank you 2016 for that reminder.
        2016, thank you for hard lesson of letting go. Letting go of friends and letting go of people who want to be let go. Letting go of the past to make way for the future. Change was a big theme this year. One of my old roommates got married and it was hard to see that chapter of her life end, the chapter that included me and the rest of us roommates. I am so beyond happy for her and her husband! Four of my roommates (old and current) decided to go on missions. Two of them didn't really affect me in anyway but Alison and Savannah's did. There were tears when they left on those Wednesdays. A feeling of loss entered my system. I hate to use this metaphor but I feel like each of my close friends are kind of like Horcruxes (Harry Potter reference) and whenever one leaves me I feel like one of my Horcruxes have been destroyed. I know they'll be back but the feeling of being left behind is what hurts. I love them so much and I know they'll be back. 
     This may come as a shock to some people mostly because I haven't talked about it - like at all. 2016 taught me what love is. I, the ice queen, fell in love with someone. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and it was a difficult thing to realize but now I know what it feels like and what to look for next time it happens. Don't ask questions about this experience. 
           So in short, 2016 had its ups and downs. Though the downs exceeded the ups, I've learned so much this year. They were lessons that I needed to have in the way they were taught. I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck by me this year, I'm thankful for everyone who has blessed me with their example and the friendship. I'm thankful for this year of growth. Hopefully next year I won't have to grow too much, ha ha. 

And so 2016... Good Bye and Good Riddance!

With Love,
                    Allanah Staggs.

Mission Accomplished!

        Hey guys! Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a great holiday!
I first want to start off the this post by saying that eight hours of consecutive studying has PAID OFF!!! I checked my grades and saw all A's!!!!!! That seriously hasn't happened since my first semester of college! It was a great feeling knowing that my hard work paid off!!
        Next thing I want to talk about are the events leading up to the reveal. 
         First things first! Savannah , my roommate and friend, went into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) and I had the privilege of watching her get set apart. The spirit was so strong and I couldn't be more proud of her. I was also proud of myself because I didn't break down until I saw her empty room. Thankfully my roommate Sydney was able to make me feel better but I miss her everyday. My other friend, Alison, went into the MTC! I love those girls so much and I am so beyond proud of them.
      Finals week was both stressful and fast paced. Like I stated above I studied for eight hours straight. My finals consisted of three papers, one project and one real exam. So the eight hours were me switching from studying for the exam and working on a paper. It was long and difficult but it all paid off and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to go to school.
         Mom came to get me with Dad and Joseph, which was nice but the drive home was a little stressful because of the snow and the fact that Joseph drove part of the way but he did a good job not killing us. 
           The first week home was so blissful because everyone had school and work but me, so it was nice to have that peace and quiet. On the 23rd we all went to Salt Lake City to see the lights at Temple Square. We also saw Rouge One, I was disappointed mostly because it seemed like every other war/action movie that's out there. Nothing took me by surprise and for the first time in my life I actually played on my iPod because I was so bored but don't let my opinion keep you from watching it - a lot of people enjoyed it. The lights were gorgeous, it was cold but not as cold as it could've been. 
        Christmas Eve was spent lounging around but for mom and I it was spent cooking and baking. I made SWIG cookies and helped mom when she needed it. We listened to Christmas music literally all day and it was the best! That night we had a beautiful Ham dinner with mash potatoes, Funeral Potatoes, Pasta Salad, Corn salad and of course sparkling cider. Later we had a Christ centered evening filled with music that Dad put together then afterwards we watch A Christmas Story then went to bed!

Christmas Day we all woke about 5:30 and played with Santa Gifts. I got a plush Beast from Beauty and the Beast, a necklace that takes the shape of an infinity symbol with a little mickey in the corner and one of my favorite Walt Disney quotes outlined it. "Laughter is timeless, Imagination has no age and Dreams are forever." Then a bunch of chocolate. We got ready for church and it was a really nice program. I sang in the church choir and good thing too because out of six sopranos only me and another lady actually showed up but it was nothing but music and it couldn't have been more perfect.
The presents were nice everyone seemed really happy with their gifts and I loved watching others open their presents. 

I just want to take this time and share how grateful I am for each of you. I am so thankful for the Christmas season we have to celebrate Christ, I try to keep Him as my center but I fail everyday but everyday I keep trying because that's what life's about - not giving up. I hope that the rest of the holiday is good for all of you and everyone stays safe. 


The next post will be my letter to 2016