Dear 2016....

Dear 2016,
                      I desperately wish I could say that this was the worst year but since I'm only 21 years old I'm unable to say so because I still have many years ahead of me. Having said that this year definitely wasn't easy. So many things went wrong, a lot of sad things happened but on the other end, good things happened to. I learned a lot about myself. 
      I learned that there is hope for those who suffer from Anxiety and Depression. I learned that my Savior, Jesus Christ, has suffered through the same thing. It was something I had been taught in Church but sitting in those dark moments where I would sit in my room and cry for what seemed like hours I realized that Christ really knows how I feel and he has been through what I went through and He's went through what you've gone and are going through, seek Him out in prayer or simply in thought and He'll listen to you. It's not easy especially when you already feel so alone but you aren't.
           Another thing I learned, doctors aren't all the same. If anyone knows me they know how much I hate going to the doctor - for literally anything but like I stated previously I've been struggling with Anxiety and Depression. I've had it for a long time but didn't do anything about because I didn't think there was anything to be done but it got significantly worse over the summer. I relayed on the power of the Priesthood to help and sometimes it didn't but everything got so bad that I wanted to be stripped of all emotion because it was so tiring. Thankfully mom was inspired to take me to the doctor where I was diagnosed for a problem I wasn't aware I had. So I took care of that problem and my anxiety. I've been on antidepressants for three months and I haven't felt this good in such a long time. So.... as much as I dislike doctors not all of them are terrible. 
    I'm thankful for the reminder of mortality. A lot people who I thought were untouchable from Death were taken to him. Starting with Alan Rickman. As my roommates know, I was bawled for a long time. Another person's passing that heavily affected me was Carrie Fisher. I didn't bawl for as long but it still made me sad. For some reason I hold people like the two above in such high esteem that they seem like can always escape hands of death but that's not true, we're all going to pay a permanent visit to Death when it's our time. That's something I forgot, so thank you 2016 for that reminder.
        2016, thank you for hard lesson of letting go. Letting go of friends and letting go of people who want to be let go. Letting go of the past to make way for the future. Change was a big theme this year. One of my old roommates got married and it was hard to see that chapter of her life end, the chapter that included me and the rest of us roommates. I am so beyond happy for her and her husband! Four of my roommates (old and current) decided to go on missions. Two of them didn't really affect me in anyway but Alison and Savannah's did. There were tears when they left on those Wednesdays. A feeling of loss entered my system. I hate to use this metaphor but I feel like each of my close friends are kind of like Horcruxes (Harry Potter reference) and whenever one leaves me I feel like one of my Horcruxes have been destroyed. I know they'll be back but the feeling of being left behind is what hurts. I love them so much and I know they'll be back. 
     This may come as a shock to some people mostly because I haven't talked about it - like at all. 2016 taught me what love is. I, the ice queen, fell in love with someone. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be and it was a difficult thing to realize but now I know what it feels like and what to look for next time it happens. Don't ask questions about this experience. 
           So in short, 2016 had its ups and downs. Though the downs exceeded the ups, I've learned so much this year. They were lessons that I needed to have in the way they were taught. I'm so thankful for everyone who has stuck by me this year, I'm thankful for everyone who has blessed me with their example and the friendship. I'm thankful for this year of growth. Hopefully next year I won't have to grow too much, ha ha. 

And so 2016... Good Bye and Good Riddance!

With Love,
                    Allanah Staggs.